Alert: Robert Pattinson fans, watch out!

This is a harsh, harsh, harsh article for all you Robert fans, thanks to Lainey Gossip. Don't say I didn't warn you.

He wasn't spreading it well. The virus I mean.

Ebola Hilton is single. She and that useless **** Doug have split up as confirmed by People.com. No reason was cited but it's obvious: He wasn't getting it enough publicity. And you know, its popularity is waning. We've seen its hoo hoo so many times already, we know it can throw up bulimic at a moments notice...and with someone as insignificant as Doug, Ebola simply wasn't infecting the masses as rapidly as it needs to.

Paul Allen wouldn't let it on his boat. So it needs a new host. And it's now looking for a new victim. A famous victim.

Who is the most eligible victim in the world right now?

Robert Pattinson.

Look out Twi-hards. It has tried once already. And it will keep trying. It will do whatever it takes. It will open its black hole vagina, suffocate him with its disease, and it will try to fangbang its way onto his marble member.

I said it before, I will say it again:

If Robert Pattinson PUBLICLY rejects Ebola Hilton he'll earn top spot on my Freebie Five for a year. Hell, I'll even wear a Twilight t-shirt at my birthday party.

And the worst part is... it seems truthful!!

GRR PARIS. GRR.

Its like she wants the world to hate her..